Schizophilia

By now, everyone has seen “The Way of the Master” (henceforth “WotM”)– the Christian ministry of former-child-actor Kirk Cameron and his partner Ray Comfort (some mustachioed South African fellow who’s never been on a sitcom to the best of my knowledge). WotM has been a ceaseless source of amusement to me for its corny rhetoric, and especially for Cameron’s friendly, sweet-voiced monologues about the dangers of eternal damnation.

There is currently making the rounds a video clip from the WotM series in which we drop in on a conversation on the sublime design of the humble banana — a fruit so perfectly created for human consumption that even the most hardened atheist, upon beholding such a wonder, must surely be blinded by the divine light of truth and fall upon his heathen knees in praise of the invisible, almighty hand that created such a treat.

If you haven’t seen the clip yet, check it out at DevilDucky.com: Behold, the atheist’s nightmare!

A compelling argument, to be sure. But if the existence of God can be proved by a single fruit, so too can we disprove the existence of God with another example. I’ll adapt Mr. Comfort’s delivery to my own evaluation of the mango.

Behold, the creationist’s nightmare. If you study a well-made mango, you’ll notice its wide, round shape which does not easily fit in a human hand. You’ll find that the maker of the mango, purportedly the Almighty God, made it with a smooth surface that is quite slippery when wet (with the ripe mango’s own juice, for example). The outward color of a mango conveys no information whatsoever about its ripeness. Ripe mangos can be green, yellow, and red — usually a random mix of all three colors. Now, if you look at a mango, there is no obvious entry point. In fact, the only way to get into a mango is to cut it with something sharp, or to bite through its thick, inedible skin and gnaw or squeeze the contents out. Notice again the mango’s shape which is wide and round — inconveniently shaped for human consumption. Since there is no way to avoid being covered in the mango’s juice, the human hand is left sweet and sticky, creating a perfect surface for accumulation of dirt and germs. The mango is sweet, chewy, and easy to digest, unless you happen to be one of the many people who are allergic to the mango’s skin or sap which both contain urushiol — the same toxin found in poison ivy.

Do we even need to discuss the coconut?